Chainmail Lingerie And Explosive Climaxes

The God of Thunder returns in the sequel Thor: The Dark World, out right now in cinemas. Scarlett and I thought we might review it, after a fashion. Assuming we don’t get distracted. We tend to get distracted quite a lot.

We do, indeed--though I could just admire Chris Hemsworth all day. That man is truly a work of art! But so are you, my darling. Mustn't be jealous....

Of course not! Much has been said about the film, an epic adventure based on the comic, something of a Lord of the Rings sensibility about Asgard, an old enemy, some romantic entanglements, and a brother who likes to get into all sorts of mischief. We thought we’d talk about some of it.

Ah, yes-- Loki. Now there's a fellow who actually causes more mischief than we do-- but doesn't have nearly as much fun at it. A pity--Tom Hiddleston is quite a piece of tasty eye candy himself!

His fans must wish the film was called Loki, God of Mischief And Raised Eyebrows The story follows Thor in Asgard and on Earth as he and his friends deal with the new rising threat of an old enemy. Malekith the Dark Elf (no Legolas?) and his minions (not the cute kind) are the Big Bads this time out, and they mean business, unleashing war across the Nine Realms. This of course cuts short Thor’s reunion with Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). It’s been a couple of years since they’ve seen each other, and while that amount of time is meaningless to an immortal, she’s gotten rather impatient, particularly with him having had turned up on Earth once since she last saw him and she didn’t even merit a “hey, how are you doing, how about we get a cup of coffee or some mead?” phone call.

Legolas....also quite adorable. As for the Minions....

Minions are trouble, Scarlett! I suppose saving the world and keeping oneself busy putting out brush fires across the Nine Realms is a pretty good reason for staying away. Still, he could at least bring roses or chocolates. Anyway, the film’s a big sprawling sort of adventure, one of those “the entire cosmos is at stake” sort of things. The cast is good, the story moves along briskly, and unlike something out of a Guy Ritchie film, you can actually keep track of what’s happening.

I would have liked to see him give her something a bit more, shall we say, intimate?

I wonder if Asgardians use chainmail lingerie. We did have one outstanding problem. Thor and Jane don’t get enough alone time.

That's putting it mildly. Two years without lovemaking would make me crazy! They should have been all over each other!

They should have! I mean, come on, Marvel! We know you’re trying to get as much of an audience as possible, hence the PG rating, but it’s been two years, and we can’t get so much as a morning after scene? We have to make assumptions in between the scenes? Look, it’s very simple. You certainly had bedroom scenes in the Iron Man films. You can get away with it in a film with Thor and Jane.

It's Disney. It's all their fault. Two Thor films and we get two shirtless scenes? Unforgivable! As much as I enjoyed seeing Tony Stark in action-- and yes, I mean that kind of action-- I want to see Thor get some, too. And Captain America, while they're at it!

They’ve certainly earned it. Though it does occur to me that there could be a problem. If Thor gets too excited during sex… can a mortal woman hold up to that? It’s sort of the same conundrum you have about Lois and Clark. How much is he holding back, so to speak?

Could be worse. Imagine the Hulk getting too excited.

That gives a whole new meaning to an explosive climax.